Friday, February 3

Women and Mental Health Conditions



For women, the most common forms of mental ill health are stress, tiredness,and depression.

Women and Stress

When there is too much pressure on us, we become irritableand physically tense. Pain in the neck, shoulders or lower back, headaches, dizzinessand tiredness are some of the signs of stress. We experience extra stress whenmore than one important event or crisis takes place at the same time. A crisissuch as the death of someone close to you, losing your job or getting divorcedwill cause a lot of stress. Various health disciplines give advice about how todeal with stress. Most suggest a combination of exercise and healthy eatingwith rest and relaxation. They all caution us against setting our standards toohigh and trying to be perfect – or, as women so often do, trying to beeverything to everybody.

When you are experiencing stress, it is important to findout exactly what is causing it. If you do not resolve the root problem, thestress will continue. Discuss your problems with a trusted friend or in agroup. You might also consider using the services of mental health workers.

Women and Tiredness

Many women are overtired because they have to cope with somuch as the main caregivers of society. The double shift (working away fromhome during the day and at home during evenings) also takes its toll. Too muchstress affects the body’s immune system, with the result that we feel tired allthe time and get sick often. Poor diet also contributes to high fatigue levels.Tiredness is the body’s way of calling for help.
To address tiredness, it is important to try and find outwhat causes it. Try to pinpoint what is bothering you in your personal life. Atthe same time, you should eat, sleep, and rest well. Try to do interestingthings that make you feel good - join a support group or learn a new skill.

Women and ‘Nerves’

For centuries, women have complained of suffering from their‘nerves’ – a term used to describe stress, tiredness, and depression. For somepeople, ‘nerves’ include physical symptoms such as tiredness and weakness.Others experience ‘nerves’ as an emotional state. ‘Nerves ‘mean differentthings to different people, but the condition almost always goes together withfeelings of powerlessness and lack of control.
Sometimes people use the term ‘nerves’ to refer to seriousmental illness, but the vast majority of people who feel they suffer from their‘nerves’ are not mentally ill. They are usually in situations, which almostanyone would find difficult. If a woman says, ‘I am suffering from my nerves’; sheis talking about the difficulties she faces in a way that is sociallyacceptable.

So in some ways, to suffer from ‘nerves’ may get you out ofdifficult situations. ‘Nerves’ are an example of what an anthropologist hascalled ‘the weapons of the weak’. The problem with using a weapon of the weakis that it will not change your situation or resolve problems in the long run.People tend to take those who say that they suffer from their ‘nerves’ lessseriously.

What is needed is for all people who suffer from ‘nerves’who are stressed, worried, exhausted or upset, to be given support  to talk about the real problems they face andto gain more control  over their lives.Achieving this goal depends on the kinds of relationships and support we buildinto our society.

Women and Depression

Most people experience difficulties in life: sometimes wefeel happy, at other times we are sad or dissatisfied with ourselves and withlife. It is quite natural to feel sad when something upsetting happens. However,when you feel stressed and tired all the time, it is important to act. Visit ahealth worker to get advice and check that you have not developed an illness.When stress does not go away, you may become depressed .People who feelpowerless and trapped often experience depression. They feel sad and worried,but also angry with themselves, with their loved ones and with theircircumstances. Sometimes they feel so frustrated and desperate that theyconsider taking their own lives.

Many women lack confidence and self-esteem, and feel theyhave no control over their lives. These feelings can contribute towardsdepression, which is the most common mental health problem among women. Hereare some of the signs of depression:

·        You withdraw from people around you and fromthings that you usually enjoy.
·        You are irritable and see things in a negativelight
·        You are constantly unhappy and cry easily
·        You feel guilty and blame yourself easily
·        You feel hopeless and despairing
·        Your work becomes less important
·        You no longer care about your appearance
·        You have little energy and are always tired - evenwhen you wake up in the morning
·        You find it difficult to concentrate – you startthings but rarely finish them
·        You sleep  a lot less of more than usual
·        You eat very little or a lot more than usual
·        You lose interest in sex

Sometimesdepression can be dealt with by talking your problems through with a friend, ina group or with a mental health worker. However, it sometimes becomes so severethat you also need to take medicine so that you can start to function better.Medication should be combined with counselling, where you share problems with amental health worker to find ways of getting extra support and dealing betterwith your situation.

Depressionis often not understood. People with depression often feel judged and thismakes their recovery even more difficult. As one sufferer says, ‘People expectyou to snap out of it, but I couldn’t’. So people with depression are oftenunwilling to admit they have a problem, or they use euphemisms such as ‘abreakdown’ ‘or ‘nerves’. As in any other illness, eating well, exercise,relaxation and rest are important. These together with expressing yourself andtalking your problems through form part of many therapies. Life- skillstraining, which empowers us, helping us to express ourselves better and toresolve conflict, is also helpful.




Thursday, February 2

Conflict and Relationships



All relationships involve some conflict. Sometimes this eveninvolves open arguments and fights. At times, there is also an atmosphere ofunspoken dissatisfaction and tension. The point is, no two people are exactlythe same, so disagreements are inevitable. Our differences and disagreementscan enrich our lives. Learning to deal with conflict is not only useful, butcan teach us a lot about our partners and ourselves.

The first step in resolving an argument is to identify theproblem from both partners’ perspectives. Unless you agree on what the problemis, you will not know what you are trying to resolve. It is also wise to stickto the issue at hand, do not raise side issues.

The second step is to be clear about how your partner feelabout the problem and to express this. You and your partner should listencarefully to each other, remembering to respect each other’s feelings andviews.
The third step is to work out whether the problem is one ofdiffering values, beliefs and attitudes, or a practical issue. If differentvalues and beliefs are at the root of the problem, both partners will need tobe especially tolerant and patient. You will have to accept these differencesand respect that each one has the right to have their own views. It can also bethat at the end you will agree to disagree! When the problem is a practicalone, it can be a lot easier – both partners should all possible solutions tothe problem. Once you have settled on a solution, both partners need to committhemselves to try it out.  

Here are some helpful tips in solving problems and tips:

- avoid confusing the real issue by bringing up oldcomplaints of the past
- do not insult or humiliate your partner
-Avoid delaying tactics
- avoid manipulating your partner

Successfully resolving conflict usually gives both partnersa great sense of satisfaction and brings them closer together.

Wednesday, February 1

How to Deal With Daily Stress



Here are tips how to manage the many small stressful events inyour daily routine:

·        Plan ahead for the morning crunch. Set thebreakfast table and make packed lunches the night before.
·        Plan what you will wear. Check clothing fortears, runs, or missing buttons.
·        If a child needs help deciding on clothing orgathering papers for school, get this organized the night before.
·        Get up before the rest of the family in order tohave some time to yourself. Read the newspaper or do a crossword puzzle.
·        Store plenty of microwave meals for your familythat can easily be put on the table at a moment’s notice.
·        Too many errands and chores to do? Enlist yourchildren’s help, or hire a trusted neighbourhood teenager to do some of thesetasks.
·        You can use a standard kitchen timer to helpmanage your schedule. If you do not want a telephone conversation to get toolengthy, set the timer for 15 or 20 minutes. Also use it ot time exercising orhousecleaning (‘I’ll do this for just 20 minutes”)
·        Get an aquarium. They come in all sizes, for anysize room or budget. Watching colourful fish swim gracefully through the waterwill distress you in no time.
·        Spend time with your children. Flying a kite ofplaying a favourite board game is relaxing and makes the whole family feelcloser.
·        Spend time away from your children as well.Occasionally hiring a babysitter can make a big difference to your stresslevel. To save money, consider sharing a babysitter with other parents.
·        Take time out for a hobby you truly enjoy,whether it is knitting playing the piano or pottering around the garden.
·        Listen to music. Start with lively music thatmatches the way you feel, and work into slower pieces. On the other hand, dothe opposite - start with soothing melodies and end with energizing music.
·        Get enough sleep. Most adults need at leasteight to eight and a half hours a night. Your efficiency the next day will morethan make up for the extra time lost to sleep. Go to bed at the same time everynight and wake at the same time every morning - even on weekends - if possible.This way you will not tamper with your body’s rhythms.
·        Try volunteer work. Nothing will take your mindoff your own troubles and give you a greater sense of accomplishment thanvolunteering your time and energy to a good cause
·        Buy cards and gifts throughout the year for.Then you will not have to rush around before birthdays and holidays.
·        Keep a record of the things that make you feelstressed. This will help you to become aware of the real stressors in your life.
·        Give yourself permission to be imperfect. Letthe dishes go unwashed one night.
·        Getting a pet is another excellent way to reducestress. Not only will a pet give you warmth and unconditional affection, butalso merely petting a friendly animal can help lower blood pressure.



Monday, January 30

Effective Communication and Relationships



Communication is a two-way process, which involves talking,listening, and understanding. To communicate effectively, we need to be openand honest, to say clearly, what we mean, while respecting our partner’sfeelings and rights.

Communication occurs at more than one level. How our bodies‘speak’, or the so-called body language is also very important. It seems wetend to trust body language rather than words. Once we understand the body’smessage, we are able to interpret the way in which words are said. We listen towhether a person’s sounds angry or sad, happy or exited, and we look to seewhether their body is relaxed, tense, or defensive. If the person’s words andbody language contradict each other, we are unable to trust their words, andcommunication becomes much more difficult. Unless you and your partnerunderstand how each other communicate – both body language and words – you willbe unable to understand each other. Communication can get even more difficultif we are not sure of our exact feelings and say the first thing that comes tomind in an argument, rather than think it over.

Part of communicating is negotiating. This means giving ourpoint of view and listening to our partner’s point of view, coming up with allthe possible options, and then finding solutions that will satisfy both. Thiscan be stimulating, rewarding, and even fun. It involves thinking and listeningclosely to our partners.

Good communication can help you and your partner to becomecloser and build a stronger, more satisfying relationship. It is also anessential tool for sorting out problems in your relationship.


Love and relationships



Love is like friendship, but the emotions are far moreintense than those we feel for friends. Believing that your partner isextremely important to you, caring and feeling warmth, affection and desire forhim or her are all part of loving someone.

Love means taking risks. There is always a danger of beingrejected when we grow closer to another person and share our deepest feelings,making ourselves vulnerable. When we need to move forward in our relationships,it might be necessary to try new things or to do things differently. For mostof us, this can quite be scary. Although risks do not always work out, they arewell worth taking if our relationships are to grow and thrive.

We must encourage our partners to share their feelings andthoughts with us. Love means learning to accept the differences between eachother, and respecting each other’s ideas, feelings, and attitudes. There willbe times when couples will disagree – this is normal. You will not alwaysadmire and approve of what your partner does or say, and you may not alwaysunderstand him or her.

Love means to allow each other to grow as individuals. Youwill not always be able to or want to do everything together and should keepsome separate interests. Some couples seem to merge into one another, but atrisk of losing their individual identities.

Too many are too keen to give in to their partners, just tokeep their love! However, unhappiness results when one partner gives too muchand is always the one making sacrifices. It is essential to keep a balancebetween giving and receiving.

Our ability to love and be loved depends on our sense ofself-worth and self-esteem. We can only truly love someone else if we love,respect and accept ourselves. If we can strengthen ourselves, we are able tostrengthen our relationship with someone.

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