The language of love

Red roses, boxes of chocolates, love letters, diamond rings…….Over the ages, lovers have found and invented many symbolic ways to expresstheir deepest feelings towards someone they love.

One of the most curious and complicated examples of lovers’language evolved in 18^th century Turkey. There, the passionatesender would assemble an entire ragbag of items; when painstakingly decoded by thehopeful recipient, they revealed elaborate thoughts and sentiments.

Some of these love packages, secretly delivered by a peddlerwoman, could easily be mistaken for wastebaskets. In addition to certainflowers, with their own traditional meanings, the parcels contained otherobjects, such as charcoal (meaning “May I die and you live long”) or wax (“Iperceive that all the ice of your heart cannot diminish the heat of the fireyou have kindled in mine”)

A well-known traveller and letter-writer of the time, LadyMary Wortley Montagu, learned about this extraordinary language during her stayin Constantinople. She wrote to a friend:”There is no colour, no flower, noweed, no fruit, herb, pebble or feather that has not a verse belonging to it.”

No one seems to know who introduced such language intoWestern Europe, but within a few years it had become the craze of fashionablelovers in Germany, France, and England. By that time, however, the objects hadbeen eliminated from the packages and only the flowers remained.

Until the end of the 19^th century, this romanticand colourful flower language captivated young and old. Many books were devotedto the subject, and publishers vied with each other to produce the mostup-to-the–minute dictionary.

One such volume, published in England in 1866, boasted theinclusion of several new entries and their meanings - including 30 blossomsfrom the conservatory and greenhouse, so that lovers would not be “condemnedduring the long winter months to floral silence. Unfortunately, thedictionaries did not always agree on definitions, and decoding a bouquetinvolved many potential traps and misunderstandings. For example, it was oftendifficult to be certain that the yellow rose meant “infidelity,” and a spray oforange blossom, “Your purity equals your loveliness.”

By the 1880’s the fashion for using flowers as a languagehad died out. Today many would argue even after all these years; red roses arestill given as expressions of love.

And no doubt in a spring meadow somewhere in the worldtoday, a beautiful woman is stripping petals off daisies while musing”He lovesme, ………He loves me not……. He loves me.”

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Men Are More than Sex and Sleep: Understanding the 6 Male Emotional States

How often have you heard that when it comes to emotions, men are uncomplicated at best? The quest to understand men can be frustrating for women. You may have noticed that your spouse, boyfriend or partner seems to have limited interests – to put it nicely. Is there more on your man’s mind than the next time he’s going to get some?

The simple truth is that in general, men really are . . . well, simple! They have just six emotional states—no less, and no more. He’s not always thinking about sex, but it ranks right up there with food, sports, and sleep.

The good news for you ladies is that it’s not impossible to understand men after all. Once you know how your man thinks, you’re on your way to better communication, fewer arguments, and a stronger relationship. Here’s a quick overview of the six male states:

* Happy – This state is usually the result of anything that inflates his ego. You can spot a happy man by the way he smiles, converses well, and is kind to small animals. Don’t waste Happy on asking him to clean out the garage; this is the best time for both of you to have some fun!

* Hungry – When a man is in a Hungry state, nothing but food will do. Distracting him with something inedible won’t work. Also, don’t bother asking, “Are you hungry?” because the answer is always yes. It’s the degree of Hungry that is important. A ravenous man can quickly enter an angry state without food to calm him.

* Hurried – Focus is important to a man, and when he’s set on going somewhere or getting something done, he’s in a hurried state. This is not the best time to engage your man in conversation. The rule of communication for a hurried man is keep it to 25 words or less. He’ll remember what you said, and he’ll appreciate you for keeping it short.

* Horny – You knew this had to be one of them! When your man is Horny, he’s basically putty in your hands. He’ll promise anything if he thinks there is sex in the near future. You can improve your relationship dramatically if you’re kind and sympathetic to the Horny state – use it, but don’t abuse it.

* Angry – Most angry women can be talked out of it. Most angry men can’t. The most important thing to remember is that when he is Angry, it’s probably not about you. Give your Angry man some space to cool down, don’t try to snuggle or engage him in conversation (it won’t help), and don’t tell him to stop being angry. Instead, try to find out what he prefers when he’s angry some time during a happy state, and respect his methods of coping. You’ll avoid a lot of potential arguments.

* Tired – A Tired man is the opposite of a Hungry man. Whereas everything is urgent when he’s hungry, nothing is important when he’s tired . . . except sleep. Do not discuss important relationship matters or impending events with your tired man. He won’t remember, and it will only make you both upset.

There are a few important things you should remember about a man’s emotional state. Since he has only six, his emotions tend to be intense. He’s never a little hungry or a little tired. He’s starving, or he’s exhausted! To understand men, keep in mind that he doesn’t operate on small scales – it’s all or nothing.

Also, once you’ve practiced gauging your man’s emotional state, he will be more sensitive to yours. He will appreciate that you understand him, and he’ll try harder to please you. A little effort on both sides goes a long way in relationships, so don’t give up on trying communicating with your Pig – er, man!

By Michael Coogan

Beautiful and sensual Aitana Sánchez-Gijón